scissors separating a family made out of paper due to divorce
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Divorced due to Breast Cancer?

I am curious to know, how many people get a divorce after the diagnosis of breast cancer. I know of several women, including myself, that found themselves single in the midst of all the turmoil! It is just insane!!

My personal story is this: I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer Sept 20, 2007. My husband, in the beginning, was so very supportive. Whatever I wanted, was in my hands, as soon as it was physically possible! My first chemo treatments, he went with me, never leaving my side. We have 4 children together, and never before had he EVER stepped up to the plate as he did in the beginning….

After about my second chemo treatment…he quit going with me, choosing to stay home and “help” his mom with the kids.

When I transferred my treatments to MD Anderson, he traveled there with me (on Valentines day no less!!!) but then left me sitting in the oncologists office, waiting to hear the results of my latest scans!! I was an absolute mess, but he told me his mom was having trouble with the kids and needed his help. He knew I would tell him to leave…my children are always my priority!

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Come to find out later, he left me sitting there to go on a date for valentines day! He had internet dating profiles everywhere using my cancer for sympathy: “I have my kids because my ex wife has breast cancer”….I was incensed!!

I didn’t find this out though until about 2 weeks after my mastectomy. I came home to be with my kids after recovering at my parents house for a while. I had this sudden urge to figure out why I never saw his cell phone around the house! I found it..hidden in his truck…with several text messages from someone stating how much she loves him, and can’t wait until I leave from my “visit” with the kids so they can be together again. I was crushed beyond words.

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I confronted him and of course he denied it. I had put up with so much from him for almost 14 years at the time, that I didn’t think I could take much more. I spent more time with my kids until it was time for me to head back to MD Anderson to begin 5 weeks of radiation therapy, twice daily. It was going to be a rough 5 weeks. Luckily I was able to live with a dear friend that was only a few miles from the hospital.

I took the next 5 weeks to think, to soul search, to talk to a therapist, and to make a plan. I was leaving. I did not beat cancer to live so miserably! To spend my life with someone who had it in them to cheat while I was fighting for my life for myself and for my family!! This was not the life I was fighting to live……

I finished treatment, went back to north Texas….took the kids to do a few things as a “family” one last time….packed our stuff and moved in with my parents for what ended up being about 9 months…until a rent house opened up that I could afford and was big enough for my family.

Looking back, I should have left a very long time ago. In my case, it just took cancer for me to open my eyes and realize it! I am curious to know how many other husbands/significant others couldn’t handle it and crumbled under the weight of such a devastating diagnosis and crisis in a family!!!

Until we blog again!

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Mandy SharrsSweetie Lovejay caneJane Whitleymr insensitive Recent comment authors
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jay cane
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jay cane

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer anf i stood by her side. It was very hard on our family. I found out that she was having an online romance 3 months prior to her diagnisis. I felt like a real chump taking care of her around the clock through surgery and chemo only to finf out she was a liar and sharing i love yous with another man. I thought what would my children think if i just left, so im sticking by her side until she is through her last surgery a hysterectomy she just had 4 days ago. Once she is healed and back on her feet. I will then let her know my decission to leave. I will be able to tell my children that i did the right thing and took care of her when she needed me most. The person with the cancer is… Read more »

Jacqui Mann
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Jacqui Mann

16 years together and found out he was seeing someone during my 4th surgery. I raised his children, worked hard, gave him everything and made him my world. Have now found out he regularly sees escorts – all blonde, slim and with large breasts. The largest my weight gain took me to was a size 10. Crazy!! However I know that if I had to do it again I would still have had the double mastectomy and reconstruction – no spouse is worth dying for! I can’t fix his issues so at 48 I will start a new chapter in my life surrounded by good friends and inner peace. Good luck to you on your new journey. x

Jane Whitley
Guest
Jane Whitley

Your story is so similar to mine. I am stage 3 breast cancer and husband has had several affairs during our 22 years of marriage, but the one during my cancer treatments has proven to me that he is not worthy of me. We have three children who are crushed, but I have to be strong. He is so manipulating, and even checked himself into a rehab for alcoholism, but he should have spent the money to go to a sex addition clinic. He wants his family back… Oh, did I mention he was also fired from his job…. I’m am destroyed because he was also my best friend, but I have to be strong

mr insensitive
Guest
mr insensitive

I will start by saying I have always loved my wife and always will. AND our relationship is strong on every other level but sexual. After the double. I emptied the tubes , changed the bandages. did everything a dedicated husband SHOULD do , because I love her …I stood by the bed kissed her gently , rubbed her neck messaged her when she was sore and still do whenever she needs me to . but our sex life has suffered to the point of almost being non-resistant. it has been two years and all indications are that it is gone at this point she’s back to work and seems completely healthy again BUT…. I’m now just the guy that takes care of her … not the guy , that needs to be shown how much being entailment means … we men equate ( right or wrongly ) sex as… Read more »

leota
Guest
leota

Leota. In 2009 I had a double mastectomy and chemo with other chronic skin problems due to medications that are still ongoing. My husband is no longer attracted to me and always has some negative comment related to my looks. He can not perform with me. He is inconsiderate of my feelings and does not want to be intimate until “he is ready.” I feel very angry that after 22 years this could happen to me and ask myself why I tolerate this. I contribute 3/4 of my income to the household. I have decided to end the intimacy and take back 1/4 of my income for my own personal needs. I need to do this for my self respect and my survival. I feel degraded. I may add that he has always gambled a lot of money away while i was having cancer surgery and in recovery. (While I… Read more »

Nfhillcpa
Guest
Nfhillcpa

After 23 years of marriage and businesses together and a child late in life, he said, “you know you just don’t do it for me any more. You are not the same physically, mentally, or intellectually and I do not want you.” Talk about feeling betrayed. I understand how you feel, but for me, there will never be another man. I cannot open back up to be hurt over. But at least, I am beginning to deal with the hurt. things will get better, you will feel better about yourself. I lost those 25 pounds and know I know I look good, but it still doesn’t erase the rejection. But things are better. Time does help.

ms_j
Guest
ms_j

there are obvious things at play here.. and honestly nothing is going to make you “feel better”. some people are selfish… some people get bored easily… some people aren’t there for the “long hall”… and sadly some people are just looking for ANY reason to leave. who cares what the reason is? or when you should have left. that is all futile now and will just break your head trying to figure out. i just wish i could wrap my arms around you and cry with you. be a good friend and be there for you. but truth be told, it would probably never happen. i hope you have caring friends and family around you to fill your empty time and enjoy your joyous moment. your sickness can consume you if you let it. that is a battle in itself. get into a good support group and/or church to give… Read more »

Jade
Guest
Jade

I was miss diagnosed in April 12,2008. I then found a lump as my husband and where getting ready for a benefit in Nov 17,2008. When I told him about my discovery he said that I was crazy and we left to go to the event. I went back to the same doctor three days later. She could tell something was not the same. After the test where done and waiting several days I went to see another doctor. She gave the kick in the stomach news and that the cancer in my body was growing fast. Plans to act ASAP where in place. The first doctor called back with the same test that she had ordered that each doctor had seen at different hospitals. She confirmed that I had three lumps but the good news was that there where no signs of cancer in the lymph nodes. So wrong…… Read more »

Sweetie Love
Guest
Sweetie Love

I’m new here. I was just served papers to appear in Family Court to give visitation rights to my son’s father who has abused me and my older son (but hasn’t touched his son because someone is always around). After being diagnosed with cancer, cheated and now moved his mistress in our house. He told me that his mistress will be his new mom since she’s 20 years younger than me. I have since got divorced and have my own place. On the original divorce, he gave me sole full custody of our son and no radius to move anywhere we wanted. He also agreed to let our son decide if he wants to see him or not which means he has no written visitation on paper. Now I am able to retire and I can’t move out of my town. I know i feel better when I am not… Read more »

Schwennjen
Member
Schwennjen

Is it that they can’t handle the pressure or that they were disloyal all along and it took something like cancer to bring it to the surface? If someone truly loves you they will suffer with you, even if its not exactly the way you wish. And by that I mean, my husband did everything he was able to do, but not everything i needed…. I didn’t want to say anything to him because he was handling the pressures of our business and making sure he was always “physically” there for me and that i was taken care of. But I needed him to be more emotionally present and he wasn’t able to open up that way. He had a lot of emotional issues going on himself such as pressure, anger, fear, uncertainty, lack of sexual intimacy etc. and felt that if he was honest and talked with me about… Read more »

Sweetie Love
Guest
Sweetie Love

I’m sorry I haven’t replied. He was the perfect husband till I was diagnosed with cancer. It has been over 2-1/2 years since our divorce and he had the balls to bring me back to court saying I force him to sign the divorce papers. Long story short, I am in a new place and I retained full sole and legal custody of our son. I am forced to stay working to pay off the lawyers their bill of $80,000 so I will be here for a few years. My lawyer says although I can move out of state , he will probably take me back to court knowing he will lose so she suggested me to wait till high school. Thanks again for your reply.

Frank Taylor
Guest
Frank Taylor

my wife was having an affair and left me right as I got cancer. It was unbearably difficult. I made it through it by realizing it was my thing and expecting her to be there when she clearly did not care, was not going to make me heal any faster. I feel for you greatly.

Erika Westphal
Guest
Erika Westphal

My parents divorced the same time as my mom’s diagnosis of breast cancer. She should have been diagnosed two years earlier when she found a lump. I found out after my mom died at the funeral my parents were planning to divorce long before that my dad was just waiting for my sister to turn 18. My mom had many strong friends and we were very close, I was with her beside her bed in Hospice when she passed away. I am now divorced too and understand the “you just don’t do it for me anymore” or “I never loved you” sentiments after seven years of marriage.

Jade
Guest
Jade

Jade
As of last week the doctors thought my cancer had returned. After MIR’s and Pet scans the results came back negative!!!!! That was a close one. There is a 7mm something on my left hip but the doctors have no idea what it is. I go back in three months to see if there has been any change.

Just a reminder for those that are going through treatment and have lost your hair visit Cappelleez.com. The head covers where so comfortable for me and the patterns made me feel better when I was able to be out in public.

Cancerhurtsbutsodoeslove
Guest
Cancerhurtsbutsodoeslove

My marriage ended due to my Breast Cancer…at lease I thought that is what ended it…looking back I realize there was always just one of us trying one who was married and if not for this it would have ended any way…Cancer may have sped the death of the marriage up as it opened my eyes to” Is this all I get? Is this what I deserve?” He told me I was not there for him any more… I did not take care of him good enough any more I was always sick and always tired he said,,,.he could not make love to me because he said he could not stand to look at my scars and my bald head… I couldn’t get out of bed to take him to his friend’s or to our neighbor hood bar after he lost his license due to drunk driving, he later used… Read more »

Sweetie Love
Guest
Sweetie Love

I am so sorry you had to go thru this. How are you now?

Mandy Sharrs
Member
Mandy Sharrs

I am sorry if i mrsnt to hurt.. But I still want u to know.. I aint the person who is sick. A guy who has been very nice to me and until a night he spent at my place he then shared that his wife is sick, with a stage 3 cancer. I felt terribly bad that i knew it aftet i had fallen for this man.. But again I turned him down after 2 weeks of dating as I just couldnt see myself as the 3rd party esp the othrt partner was sick. Else know in 2 weeks time we had to travel out on business trip tgt.. things started to happened. I saw him, and i know i missed him alot.. and our relationship went on till now.. His wife had been going through close to 2 years of dianoisge and recently another lump got affected.. He… Read more »

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